[Darkflame!]

:!emo: FRENCH UPDATE :!emo:

It turns out being papal controller most of the time, gobbling up french provinces I have a core on and casually slapping the Palatinate Holy Roman Emperor is really good for prestige

SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THIS, HALF THE GLOBE IS IN MY SPHERE OF INFLUENCE :awesome:

 Berry1653_HugeRange.png (1.37MB)
Number of downloads: 0

Also, the pope took this crusade thing seriously and went straight on to Mecca after Jerusalem turned out to be a letdown full of jews

 Berry1662_crusade.png (1.35MB)
Number of downloads: 0

WHAT THE HELL. OTTOMANS AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE THE BADDASS AROUND HERE

Anyway, being France got me the "L'Etat, c'est moi" decision, absolute monarchy, and the "Because I Say So" casus belli :awesome:

 Berry1679_BecauseISaySoCB.png (1.36MB)
Number of downloads: 0

AND BEING HATCHED BY BERRY DID HAVE SOME SIDE EFFECTS. For example, south-eastern Occitain French was now the primary culture instead of northern Cosmopolitaine. Berry doesn't even start Occitain, just its government, but it spread across 50% of france by now. HOORAY PROVENCAL FOOD BEING EVERYWHERE <3

 BerryCulture.png (1.22MB)
Number of downloads: 0

Also: Milan got more retarded with the minute

 Berry1679_DarJaLombardia.png (1.29MB)
Number of downloads: 0

Yes, nevermind the rich Italian city with the universities and more than 3 people in it. OUR HOME IS IN AFRICA

Finally:

 Berry1674_Liberty_Equality_Papacy.png (1.08MB)
Number of downloads: 0

LIBERTY, EQUALITY, PAPACY

[Darkflame!]

FRANCE IS QUITE BORING TO PLAY AS

It's way too easy

I didn't do much, basically made the country richer than scrooge mcduck with universities and manufacturies in every province, plenty of rich colonies, and more prestige than 1946 USA :awesome:

SO I DECIDED TO HELP SPAIN FORM

 Berry1691_formingspain.png (1.09MB)
Number of downloads: 0

I actually force-vassalized, then annexed Aragon later on and sold valencia to Castile while keeping all the colonies for myself :awesome:

It's worth it spain has a prettier yellow than castile

I ALSO TRIED TO BECOME HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR BUT IT'S HARD AS A NON-EMPIRE COUNTRY

Utrecht, in the end, decided they hated everyone in germany and went anarchist on their asses :awesome:

 Berry1673_UtrechtFuckYou.png (1.45MB)
Number of downloads: 0

NOTE HARDLY ANY VOTES FOR AUSTRIA. This is because everyone hates austria. And later on they weren't evennot part of the Holy Roman Empire anymore. They got their ass kicked by Ansbach and Hungary so hard that they're now located here:

 Berry1743_austria.png (1.11MB)
Number of downloads: 0

HABSBURG CONSTANTINOPLE. And they're getting their ass kicked by wallachia :awesome:

:gaydar: REVOLUTIONARY COUNTRIES ARE RETARDED:gaydar:

Just about all of North America is portuguese. There was one stray British province around for no reason whatsoever. THEN THE USA FORMED

 Berry1754_canadawhat.png (1.46MB)
Number of downloads: 0

AND THE UGLY GREEN THING IN OHIO IS CANADA, that wisely decided to form nowhere near Canada. Also, the US and Canada both managed NOT to even take the ONLY ENGLISH PROVINCE AROUND

THERE'S ONLY ONE BRITISH COLONY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. IT'S RIGHT IN BETWEEN YOU TWO, HOW CAN YOU NOT FORM IN THERE :aaaaa:

ALSO CANADA WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOUR FLAG, WHY DO YOU HAVE THE FLAG OF THE UNITED KINGDOM IN THERE, THE UNITED KINGDOM NEVER FUCKING FORMED, IRELAND SCOTLAND WALES AND FUCKING CORNWALL ARE INDEPENDENT

:gaydar: SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK REVOLUTIONARY COUNTRIES :gaydar:

BEHOLD, QUEBEC!

 Berry1761_quebechaiti.png (848.77K)
Number of downloads: 0

LOCATED CONVENIENTLY IN HAITI AND CUBA~

:gaydar: AND NOW FOR THE APEX OF REVOLUTIONARY RETARDEDNESS :gaydar:

First, Colombia formed, taking quite a bit of Portuguese provinces away from it. Then VENEZUELAN SEPARATISTS SHOW THE FUCK UP IN COLOMBIA TWO SECONDS AFTER IT FORMED

 Berry1762_ColombiaVsVenezuela.png (1.18MB)
Number of downloads: 0

THE NEW COUNTRY SHALL BE NAMED COLOMBIA! NO VENEZUELA! NO COLOMBIA! FUCK YOU!

SERIOUSLY DUDES NOTICE THE PORTUGUESE ARMY STEAMROLLING INTO YOUR NEW COUNTRY? PERHAPS YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT THAT :suicide:

This post has been edited by Darkflame: 27 March 2010 - 02:08

[Darkflame!]

OKAY WAIT WHAT

So my country is pretty stylish. NOTICE THE MONOCLED FACTORY OWNER AND PERFECT SLIDERS FOR ABSOLUTIST FRANCE

 Berry1762_Stylish.png (1.29MB)
Number of downloads: 0

Also the huge orange blob is the Archbishopry of the Netherlands. YES ARCHBISHOPRY. I DON'T KNOW EITHER~

Technology is a joke too; I'm 10 ahead in government tech compared to every other nation on earth :aaaaaa:

 Berry1762_10GovtAhead.png (1.11MB)
Number of downloads: 0

So what caused dee eff to shout OKAY WAIT WHAT

WELL IT'S THIS

I GOT A REGENCY COUNCIL FOR LOUIS XIII (I'm a few louises behind because I had a lot of Jeans and Charleses as Berry, and now I still do), BUT THEN LOUIS XIII DIED AND THE REGENCY COUNCIL DECIDED TO LOUNGE ABOUT

 Berry1763_EternalRegencyCouncil.png (1.26MB)
Number of downloads: 0

ETERNAL REGENCY COUNCIL

OKAY WAIT WHAT

[Shuskee!]

SOMEONE WILL EVENTUALLY POP UP

Also it's all tres bon but I don't see no elephant anywhere!

AND HOW DID YOU PLAY THROUGH 98558923578923578935897 YEARS IN LIKE 3 DAYS

[Darkflame!]

I DON'T KNOW IT WAS JUST SO EASY ONCE FRANCE WAS FORMED

It'so easy I can't even form Revoltionary France by fucking up on purpose. I NEED NEGATIVE PRESTIGE AND WAR EXHAUSTION FOR THAT AND I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO GET THEM, I'M AT +100 AUTOMATICALLY BECAUSE I GET +5.5 YEARLY WHEN THE AUTOMATIC DECAY IS ONLY 5% SO IT FUCKING TENDS TOWARDS 110 PRESTIGE

[Darkflame!]

Dear Jesus on a stick, I wanted to play as Granada for their splendid amount of jews, but it's harder than Chimu. Castile declares war on you the first day and rapes you before you even get to form an alliance. Always. :suicide:

[Darkflame!]

:gaydar: BRAGGING TO LIEF POST :gaydar:

NAXOS STARTING POSITION:
one province
minimum possible manpower
no income
vassal of venice
wrong religion in your only province
wrong culture in your only province
als you have a boat

PROPER WAY TO GO ABOUT IT ON VERY HARD DIFFICULTY:

 ballsack.jpg (117.88K)
Number of downloads: 0

[SoggyFrog]

ARE YOU A THALASSOCRACY

[Darkflame!]

You can't enact the Thalassocracy decision if you're not Venice, the Hansa or Genoa :(

But in practice, yes. Largest fleet in the world, and my army is absolutely PATHETIC. Means of survival: don't let anyone land any troops on any island. ever.

[Darkflame!]

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

This is St. Kitts, and it went bazoonkers when I moved my capital away from it

(tax value was always that high though)

 EU3_153.png (1.43MB)
Number of downloads: 0

WE BUILD WALLS TO PROTECT AGAINST THE DAYLIGHT

This post has been edited by VINCENT VAN WINGLE: 10 April 2010 - 04:03

[Lief Ericson]

175,621 PEOPLE IS TOO MUCH THE ISLAND WILL TIP OVER

[Shuskee!]

YOU ALSO BUILT GIGANTIC ICE CREAM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ISLAND TO PROTECT AGAINST DAYLIGHT

And looking at the map I really have no idea where does that $44 worth of cotton grow

[Darkflame!]

in the same place they store the 217,000 soldiers that can camp there without suffering attrition I think

[SoggyFrog]

That is what the high-rise towers are for.